I’ve been meaning to write about Libraries and Awkward-ness since forever. I am sure I am not the only person who have had the opportunity to experience some first-hand embarrassment and awkwardness when it comes to The Library. Below is a list of the experiences that I have had over the years. To those of you relate, yes, you – fellow Samaritans, I share your grief. To those of who don’t, just keep on reading.
In Between the bookshelves:
Aw, this is such a corny header but believe me, there’s nothing remotely cute about it. Sometimes when you’re browsing through the bookshelves you’d find people standing in the passageway. They will be utterly oblivious to their surroundings, positively engrossed in the open book in their hands while blocking the only way of exit. Hey, there’s no harm in checking out a book by standing in the passageway, heck, I do that all the time but the variation of the homo sapiens that I speak of – are so out of tune with the ‘real world’ that after several failed tries of politely clearing your throat and the excuse-mes, you start to get annoyed. Give it 5 more minutes of tapping your feet and then you would feel your pulse increasing and the anger building up-
COMEON, SHOVE IT PEOPLE.*screams in head*
While planning their immediate painful death in the next 4-5 minutes, you’d be exasperated, tapping your foot, waiting for them to keep the book down- Yes, your Majesty, if you may – give you that slightly- irritated, slightly-apologetic smile before (finally) giving you enough space to pass by.
2. The Harpies
There are people who visit the book shelves or the Fiction aisle of The Library, just for attending phone-calls.
Mind you, they would pretend that they’re speaking very quietly, pacing down the length of passageways, holding their mobiles to their ears, lowering their voices. Pointedly. Oh, how considerate. While in the reality it is usually the opposite. When you’re engrossed in checking out the synopsis of a good book, half-stifled conversations and murmurings would drift to the aisle you’re standing in.
“Amanda, yes honey I’ll be there at 8..”
“….yes sir,…yes, yes understood sir…..right there on your desk?..”
“Baby boo!…uh huh….*smooch* *smooch*…”
Oh no, this isn’t the only circumstance in which you’d feel murderous ready-to skewer somebody. oh no, no, no.
These are the people who sit. Yes, sit on the floor like the library is their effin’ damn property- blocking the way-type.
There’s no easy way to go around these. They’re usually either engrossed in their books or are revising some notes or are working out some secret of the Universe by the look of them. You would feel like an absolute guilt-laden jerk when you’d force them to let you pass. They would eye you down, those accusing eyes full of the unfiltered annoyance and you would have no choice but to keep your head down and quickly scurry away…
THEY WILL BE EVERYWHERE, BEWARE!!
Whether you’re studying, passing by to your desk, popping up earphones to enjoy a soothing song in between a study break or are doing a very essential work which your whole future indirectly or directly depends on – you’d find enthusiasts/aspirants/preachers/gossip mongers/annoying aholes to be speaking in their breathy, low -LOUD ENOUGH TO BE HEARD IN THE NEXT AISLE-voice discussing philosophy/opinions/politics/some rocket science topic or whatever – with other people who are equally engrossed in trading up their opinions or WHOLE LIFE EXPERIENCES as a matter of fact.
You would wait for them to finish, musing and listening to stories of their lives –mind you- pausing that very essential work so that once they are over you could actually continue with your life again. However, that’s some wistful thinking because they would continue to annoy the hell outta you. And believe me, I speaketh with experience.
At the end of the day, you’ll be left with the knowledge of why some guy left Ms. X, cheating on with some Hispanic girl, how the damsel cried and decided to take her life, ending up in a mental hospital annnndd tonnes of your unfinished work…
4) Gums. Chew, chew my brain:-
The gum clique. Or cliques. Is there a big word to describe these horrendous species? Noting that Moi, myself is one of them *flashes teeth*.
I personally have nothing against chewing gums. They are a perfectly handy creation that does chase away the rancid breath of people or they like to think so.
Yes, thank you, folks,, especially the smokers, the never ending whiff of smoke off your entire existence just made me a passive smoker. My throat burns, ugh.
There are different sorts of people when it comes to chewing gums and etiquette.
Each of them are very unique and specific about their style and either you’ll be enthralled with the way they chew the gum or would be horrendously disgusted. In the relative quiet of the Library, the *chom chomp POP!* sound will be equivalent to somebody drilling a hole in your brain.
No exaggeration. NADA.
6. STARE ME DOWN
They are and will always be MEGA AWKARD eye contacts with strangers. An Introvert like me feels suffocation and the need of just running away when this happens.
Oh, you see the person staring?Yes….Don’t worry, honey, he will look away in a moment. You do your work.…Alright..What? He hasn’t stopped looking yet?nuh-uh I am kinda majorly creeped out…Is there something stuck on your face, teeth?IS THERE? wait lemme check….Better sniff yourself too ya know maybe he got the deadly whiff of your unshaven hairy armpits. I fear he hasW-WHAT DOES THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? I CRY.It doesn’t smell that awful…..atleast not to me..Maybe he has a crush on you?Are you joking?.. He looks fifty…Pedo..?SHUTUP.Anyways, you still haven’t told me about your crush.My what? Where da hell did that come from?You turd. Anyways, is the creep still looking?I haven’t……..yes he is..
ISN’T HIS EYE CONTACT LASTING ALOT LONGER THAN NECESSARY?!!?
And then you’d feel obligated to leave. Just leave.
DISCLAIMER: I may have exaggerated a bit, ok yes, a lot of the things I’ve mentioned here but they do hold a bit of truth. I am a very The Library person and I have encountered (suffered through) from all of the ones I have mentioned above.